The Starbucks Experiment

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Ultimate Starbucks Secret

After conducting a rigorous and widespread poll (otherwise known as listening to two friends) and carefully analyzing the results, i have reached the conclusion that my readers overwhelmingly prefer those posts that reveal secret Starbucks culture (in other words the preferences of Karin and Dani beat out those of Adithi, who claims she likes the more psychological posts). Since i have a responsibility to my fans, i have decided to risk possible termination of employment, lawsuits, etc., in order to reveal the Ultimate Starbucks Secret.

And the Ultimate Starbucks Secret is . . .

Christmas is coming. i spent two hours yesterday at our store meeting being informed of this. Starbucks considers it a v. big deal. as the Starbucks holiday theme puts it (yes, apparently Starbucks comes up with a theme for the holiday season every year, although why the holiday season needs a theme beyond, you know, the holiday season, is a mystery to me): "it only happens once a year" (again, how this statement constitutes a "theme" is mysterious).

mark your calenders: on Thursday, November 10 (i.e. this thursday), every Starbucks across the land will be red from rafters to floor. the partners will wear their complimentary red holiday t-shirts (which we can only wear on nov. 10, when in fact we must wear them, and on fridays, saturdays, and sundays, from then until christmas). the merchandise displays will be entirely red and consist of new holiday products, most of which will be $5 or less, because, lets face it, you only buy holiday gifts at Starbucks for people you don't really like. apparently sbux makes a killing every year on this obligatory holiday cheer. but you'll really know its christmas because the cups will be red. but ONLY AFTER NOV. 10th! Anyone trying to sneak a customer a drink in a red cup before nov. 10th will be put to death, or at least that's what i have to assume from the amount of emphasis my manager put on this.

Melissa the manager also emphasized that we should get to know our regular customers on a first name basis and create a connection with every customer we serve. to learn about this last bit we did role-playing "games" that were only bearable because we got prizes afterwards. i won a set of two cups and saucers with a sugar and creamer. and i also won a christmas-jazz CD, that i will probably hear a million times anyway in the store from now till christmas, because i was the only one who knew that the proper temperature for a cappuccino is between 140 and 148 degrees. apparently that's because cappuccinos are supposed to be sweet, and whereas milk between 140 and 148 degrees is caramelly and delicious, the instant milk gets hotter than 148 degrees the sugars begin to burn away (presumably this is why hot milk eventually gets that icky scalded taste).

as you can see the meeting was not exactly enjoyable, but there were a few perks besides prizes of questionable quality. first of all we closed early and all the supervisors had to clean up while the partners got a talking to. but even better, people came out of uniform, and i got to see my coworkers in normal clothes! Yirga was all decked out to go dancing afterwards, and Dan my crush object looked really hot in a, what guys in high school used to call a "young," i.e. kinda tight, t-shirt. these examples caused me to blurt out, "wow, everyone looks so much more attractive!" much to the enjoyment of the group.

hope my group of readers (four and counting) enjoyed my comments too. and remember, if you spot any red before thursday call 1-800-RED-SBUX so that the Starbucks Death Squad can find the leak and "solve the problem." ciao.


At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 11:28 AM, Anonymous Danielle said...

Firstly, WTF with the weird junk comment above?

Secondly, it's true. I love the Starbucks-centric posts. Which is not to say that I don't like updates on your life, but quite frankly, I get them anyway. Starbucks secrets, on the other hand, are gold! I'm totally going to stalk around and look for red Starbucks to squeal on. Starbucks Death Squad... love it.

You know what might be a nice compromise for the blog? Make it a combo Starbucks-secrets-and-Starbucks-drama blog. You've certainly already done some posts like that, but I think the new crush is worthy of a post. It can be, like, Sex And The City II: Samantha's Job At Starbucks, or something equally steamy.

Ok, this is turning into the longest comment ever...

At 11:32 AM, Blogger Karin said...

Holy fucking fuck . . . is 1-800-RED-SBUX fo' real?!?!?! I'm really hoping it is because that would be, much like things being so bad they're actually good, so motherfucking CORPORATE that it would actually be COOL.

And just when I thought I might again break the daily GVSL cycle, thus saving me some much-needed bank before the onset of application fees/the holiday season, y'all had to go and suck me back in with promises of tiny stuffed animals dressed like Christmas trees and red and green espresso beans and the possibility of Hot Manager Man in a red shirt!! DAMN YOU, STARBUCKS . . . you're so sexy and delicious, I just can't resist you!!!

In other news, I'm glad your crush object is still crushworthy ;)

At 12:54 PM, Blogger Katharine (K) Lina said...

okay, dani's comment was fun, but karin's was awesome. and no, 1-800-RED-SBUX was unfortunately a figment of my imagination.

At 3:36 PM, Anonymous Danielle said...

Uh oh... are Karin and I competing for most awsome blog comments? Put 'em up, Karin... Lina, can you be ref? Will there be prizes? Can one of them be a date with Paddy and Robert, a.k.a English cousins par excellence?


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